Hi guys! Back again after one month of hiatus. How is it going y'all? Hope we are in good mood, always!

After months of struggling to a new work atmosphere finally I can "fit" to my fellow workers. Joking, making endless conversations, deep talk you name it. Yeah I made it! I admit it's hard at the first, but at the end of the day they accept me to join their circles. So, congrats to me! Wohoooo!

Friendship via Unsplash

At very first, it went oddly in a new situation that I know no one. Everyone's busy with PCs, notebooks, conversations relating to job and so on. I also felt bad to make a convo with my new friends. So, I keep busy with my old laptop.

When it comes to the job, everything runs smoothly. But not with circles. I still looking and searching how to join them, making a chit-chat sounds joyful and full of laughter. I tried to fit in but still I can't.

I can't lie that I was stuck trying to find out how to make a friend. I also comparing my new-life when I was in Ternate. No friends, no relatives but in one month I can join their talks. But here in Bogor, it's not easy as it seems.

Besides, the monster called overthinking eat my mind out. That monster frightened me, saying that I should care about how others look at me, about my look, about my performance. This is stressing. 


Two months passed by, I can't enjoy my worksphere. Since my mother's condition getting worst, I was kind of lack of focus. I always think of her whenever I alone, can not look after her. Pity me. I myself, her only-child, far from home, and my mother struggling hard just to live. Sad if I remember her last day.

However, universe showed the way. I have substitute day-off, so I can go home, to look my mother at hospital. I booked round-trip tickets to go home. Finally.

My mother was so weak. Never remove her oxygen mask. My heart covered with deep regret at that time.

She already knows that she won't live long presumably. Two days sleep over at hospital, to look after her, she gave up. The pain she bore three past years finally gone with her last breath. I was in agony, yet happy that she won't suffer from that disease.

November Already
Made a peace with shocking situation could be challenging. Yet, the hard time shall pass. So did I pass that hard time. I conscious enough to face the reality, to conquer my grieve, and to know that my mother now is in another universe. May peace be upon her.

As time goes by, I finally found out that I must broke my wall down. To let people know me the way I am. How can others approach me if I keep my wall high?

That hard time indeed passed. Boring activities in the office turned into fun and joyful agendas thereout of office. My job including going out the town packed with teammate, to attend exhibition, bazaar, campaign and so forth. Those activities exceeded my expectations. How grateful I am!

More frequent I was outside the office, the happier me. And yes, I can show my true colour and my true nature as well. I also break the distance with them through throwing dry jokes, gossiping (tho we're consist of guys LOL), doing youth stuff. Yes, finally I accepted!

December, Now
I never think that I succeeded the uncomfortable phase to socialise in well....short time. Maybe it's the proper time to me. I'm in a good time, with good people.

Day by day, my confidence grows as I know them. And me just being me, more. For now, I won't my overthink consume me any longer. I should care myself first above anything.

So yes, this is my story to struggling with new friends. I admit that I'm a social butterfly. But the butterfly must endure bad look before being an agile butterfly!